Entry #20: Misdiagnosed, again!

One word that a psychiatric patient usually heard in their entire treatment: misdiagnosed. Misdiagnosed happen when a doctor diagnosed a patient that do not meet the criteria of the illness. Sorry for stating the obvious, but some may not understand this. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not entire the psychiatrist fault. In fact, most of it due to patients inability to share their symptoms to their psychiatrist. Maybe they are embarrassed by it or didn’t know that it’s a symptom or have absolutely no clue on what is going on.

As for me, I’ve been diagnosed and awarded with several titles in my psychiatric life. Before I went to a psychiatry clinic, I went to see plenty of doctors including endocrinologist, neurologist, urologist etc. After the ruled out a physical illness, they said I need to go to see a psychiatrist, which I didn’t do right away. Me? Crazy? Hell no! Denial! I didn’t seek any treatment from any psychiatry or mental hospital after that.

So, I live my life without thinking there is something off with me, mentally. Well, not until I burst into uncontrolable tears in front of my whole company’s staff! Seriously, that was one of the most embarrassing thing ever happen to me. I can feel all the eyes were looking at me and judging me. Then, my journey to find out what is wrong with me began. It’s an unpleasant journey, I must say.

I’ve been diagnosed 4 times, which mean the first 3 diagnosed were misdiagnosed. From Dysthymia to Major Depression Disorder to Bipolar Disorder, and now Schizophrenia. It was a emotional rollercoaster for me. You see, after being diagnosed, a person (at least for me) will go through several phases until they come to fully acceptance of their diagnosis. From denial to anger to depression, etc until he/she come to fully acceptance. It may sound nothing but it doesn’t happen in few days. Some people took years to accept their diagnosis.

I have made peace that I have bipolar disorder for years. Nah, my life never that easy. Apparently I’m schizophrenic. Which is another level of mental illness. Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder, but schizophrenia is a psychotic disorder. Psychotic! WTF! After all these years, I finally found the answer to what caused my diabetes insipidus. It turns out to be primary polydipsia, which happen to some people with schizophrenia.

Now, I have to repeat the whole processes all over again. Honestly, I’m tired of it. It’s hard. Really hard! But I guess I have no choice.

P/S: I have to change the title of this blog as I was living a lie as a bipolar person.


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