When I was a kid, I have no dream when I’m growing up. The only think I want is to die at the age of early 20’s. I dont know why, but I did. At the age of 14, I’m starting to show symptoms of depression, polyuria and polydipsia. Crying myself to sleep was my routine every single night.
Everyone noticed that I’ve changed, but did nothing about it. The same year, my grandma, the love of my life, the one who helped in raising me, felt sick. A tragedy that add more thing to be depressed about.
I managed to live my life as a teenager despite the depression and suicidal thought. Yes, I live it, but like a zombie. Growing up, I never want to get married as I don’t want to burden anyone. So, I never have a girlfriend. 
Although I’m suck in life, but I’m gifted in Mathematics. I never did any revision for exam, but I will manage to get a good grades. So, while waiting for me to die at the age of early 20’s, I dedicated my life in Math. I’m not extremely good at it, but I do if I put more effort in learning.
When early 20’s came, I didn’t die, but my grandma did. So, basically, I’m dead from the inside too. I started working as a Math lecturer, but only stayed for a year and a half. Then I pursue my master degree. At the same time, I’m started to take medications for my mental illness. 
It was crazy. Having a full blown manic is crazy. I spend all my saving on craps. It took mek 4-5 years to finish a 2 years course.


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