Entry #5: Hospitalizations and ECTs (Part 2)

Well, it’s a tough week for me. Been hospitalized at a mental institution for several times for the past a week and plus, and received ElectroConvulsive Therapy (ECT) for 4 times. This is where your psychiatrist will put you on general anesthesia  then “electrocude” your brain that will cause seizures for less than a minute.

It sound cruel and painful, but it is indeed painful (after you woke up from anesthesia) but it is not cruel. Studies shows that ECT is effective to treat depression and bipolar disorder. I’ve been on depression episode for more than 2 months now, and it’s hell!

My last ECT was this morning. Yesterday I was really depressed on spend most of my time on my bed, crying. This morning, I checked in to the hospital for another ECT. I thought it was not working as I still feel pretty depressed. After the ECT, my mum picked me up and I went to see my main psychiatrist for a discharge. You know what, he said, I look more cheerful than before I had ECTs. I was quite suprised by that comment.

When I got home, I texted my sister regarding that, and she does agree with my doctor. I do look better than before I had ECTs. Yes, if you look at the videos on internet, ECT seems cruel and unhumane. But trust me, I do believe it works. After each ECTs, I will have memory loss and massive headache, but at least I’m not as depressed as last week.

I have 2 more ECTs, then I’ll back on Lithium, psychotherapy and Neurofeedback therapy, but I’m hopeful this time around. I’m sure that I will back to school in no time and continue my research as a PhD candidate.

I can do it. And you can also do it. Stop suffering in silence and get some help before it too late. For the rest of you out there, stop stigma on ECT and mental illness. You just not helping and maybe people you love suffer from mental illness too. They need your supports, not your irrelevant opinions.

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